Pagan, Witch and Witchcraft
Lightbulb Jokes


Pagan...

Q: How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!

Q: How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...

Q:How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.

Q: How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: Not sure.....we'll call Z. Budapest and get back to you!

Q:How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in Stone Circles.

Q: How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen! One to hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin.

Q: How many years does it take a Druid to change a light bulb?
A: 21, unless you're Irish.

Q: How many Isians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.

Q: How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!

Q: How many Brit.Trad WItches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Thirteen. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.

Q: How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's a third degree secret.

Q: How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb?
A: A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.

Q: How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"

Q: How many years does it take an Alexandrian Witch to change a light bulb?
A: That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.

Q: How many Starhawk Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (plaintively) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't even HAVE light bulbs..."

Q: How many years does it take a Starhawk Witch to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it depends how hard you study, but you can do it now if you are solitary.

Q: How many solitary Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (if they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)

Q: How many years does it take for a solitary Witch to change a light bulb?
A: How long does it take to get one out of the closet?

Q: How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?
A: Its already been changed.

Q: How many years does it take a White Light Wiccan to change a light bulb?
A: Look deep within and find your true essence. That will tell you how long it will take.

Q: How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYWHERE! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."

Q: How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many of them are there?"

Q: How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One for each quarter.

Q: How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a leigh?
A: Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.

Q: How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I can't tell you--they never change a light bulb the same way twice!

Q: How many Proteans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: How many will fit?

Q: How many Buckland Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."

Q: How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those damned Christians came along.

Q: How many Thelemites does it take....
A: None, Every One of them is a Star.

Q: How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What do you want it changed into?

Q: How many Witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they do it in great rites.

Q: How many Golden Dawners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to hold the ladder, one to hold the bulb, three to decipher the Light Bulb Ritual from the Secret Chiefs, one to publish it, and one to sue all the others.

Q: How many NRDers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 14. One to do it, one to write poetry about it, and 12 to hold a Council and decide whether or not the poem's authentic.

Magickal...

Q: How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw on the altar!

Q: How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but they have to be very small!

Q: How many Tantrics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2 as long as the lamp is by the bed...

Q: How many Ceremonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.

Q: How many Kabbalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 261.


Astrology

Q: How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Taurus does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What, me move?

Q: How many Gemini does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2

Q: How many Cancer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.

Q: How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They LIKE the dark.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light's fine as it is.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?

Q: How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"


General...

Q: How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it and four to share the experience!

Q: How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (in a flaky voice) We don't use light bulbs, we just think happy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow.

Q: How many years does it take for a New-ager to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it takes many many years, unless you pay $650 US non refundable, Visa or MC accepted. Then you can do it after the weekend intensive training seminar.

Q: How many Boulderites (as in Boulder, CO, mecca of new agers) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just join self-help groups to learn to live with darkness in their lives.

Q: How many Odinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 21, one to hold the light bulb, 20 to drink till the world spins.

Original Author Unknown

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