I've always wondered about past lives, ever since I was at least 8 I began wondering about reincarnation. I had an uncanny connection to nature, believed the wind was a type of God who made the sun shine bright, talked to birds and pulled my friends into adventures. I also apparently would tell stories to the younger kids on the playground. I have always reached out to those who seem lonely. At camp I hung out with a girl with down syndrome because no one else would.
As I got older I began having really vivid visions. Once, I blacked out and witness myself in a cradle as an infant. Going into that life was like ascending a stairway to another realm. I heard a piercing sound and blacked out. I was also in an antique store. On the bus I would begin having more visions, when I spaced out, mostly lucid daydreams. Everything in nature had a significance, of magic and miracles. My cousin and I had a burial for a mouse we found in the park we used to wander around.
Then I began having flashes of memories or something. I was a woman with long dark hair and pale skin. My father was a great wizard with a white beard and he was in a special order but I was forbidden. So I created my own, I used to meet in secret with the wives and virgins who wanted to learn the art of mysticism. Somehow the number 9 seems significant. I seriously think my father or grandfather's name, was Merlin!
And then, I see myself again in a church. I'm staring out into a stain glass window over-looking a large book. In this book I have written is the diary of my story. (It's also partly fictional) The story is of the Virgin Mary before she was taken down due to the persecution. I believe I'm somewhere in Europe or Ireland, but it seems medieval. There used to be a statue in this section of a Monastery where I pray daily in the Catholic way which was ordered. The statue was by a window with bright blue stained glass. The statue is of the Virgin Mary Goddess or Brigit Magdalena and was removed after order by some Emperor or King.
Interestingly I have ancestral roots in France, Italy, and Ireland.
Here's another strange vision I've had which coincides with another feminine archetype. lately I have constantly had these visions of traveling across this long stretch of snow and ice, with no mountains in sight. I am with maybe 5 or 6 other men, warriors. One of them i love, but he departs with them or leaves me. I also had a child with me, I don't know if he/she survived. I came to a tribe of natives. I dressed in such a way as to look more like them. An older woman tried to help me save my baby, but I think failed and with me died a piece of my soul.
The daughter or son was held towards me in a pouch and I wore a heavy fur skin coat, and had a belt with shamanic medicines. I also had a staff but my friend or brother took it. He followed a different constellation, Horus maybe? He realized something of great importance about the constellation, and gathered his men to fight war against another tribe while I chose peace, and he rejected me for it. I saw the greed in his eyes, and the terrible mistake he was making that would trap him with the poison of diseased power.
I may have died, and entered into the otherworld. I begged for him to rescue me, but his friend who secretly loved me saved me and took the throne from my brother, Horus, or him or whatever. I also had visions of Egypt, when my father was stabbed by a poison tipped sword and I would gaze at myself through a mirror, or it was my sister, who grew vain and plotted to kill my father, and the comb I had. One day I stole her favorite peacock feather and she grew so enraged and screamed at me without taking her eyes of her mirror. In those times, telepathy and mind control were common forms of warfare amongst the elite rulers, but it was outlawed by another king.
I have anxiousness about this. I am gifted with some secret sense of knowledge I can't sort out, and I want to claim my past but I have no way of proving or knowing it for certain. I believe I may have been some people of great importance in the past, but I feel I've screwed it up. Because in this life I am not following a spiritual calling or higher purpose like all the previous ones. (Or at least I'm trying to but not sure where to begin)
Could I just be in tune with a higher spirit? Perhaps I did not embody these people but I picked up on their stories that they want to be known.
Lastly, the most strange is the name I was given by a Spirit Guide which has to symbolize my spiritual name:
Ayadevi It's been repeated to me sooo many times. I think it, and I almost hear this acknowledgement Ah. Aya devi.