well i am well aware that that is a possibility. however, i think its more of i see them as the omens of death and other evil entities. ive had my share of encounters with crows but the whole peanut butter thing now to my is understandable and i abolished the thought of misunderstanding that incident so i can focus on other things. my father is my reason for fearing drunks. i feel extremely vulnerable around them. before i moved to my current location, i lived in p.a. with my mom and dad. my mom was a emotional handfull so my dad drank ...often. long story short he beat my mom and us kid were under constant threat, we moved away from him. i mean the man chased me an axe, just to prove the point that i shouldnt mow the lawn w/o shoes!!!
That's really rough mate, I mean, most human faults, we can work around, so that we can exist around each other, but nobody deserves to live with a drunk. You did well to get out of that situation. Now you can concentrate on getting your own shit together. A good way to start would be to "unlearn" being afraid of drunks. Not everyone has the same drinking pattern as your Dad, in fact, the percentage is quite small, single figures, at least. But unless you learn not to be afraid around drunk people (or at least, not be disproportionately afraid) you'll find that bad drunks will zero in on your unease, and reinforce the fear that your Father taught you. And you owe it to yourself to let that go. Or you'll carry it around with you, and you didn't go to all the trouble of getting away from him, just so you can carry all that shit around.
You are probably projecting a lot of the negative Dad stuff onto Crow here. After all, it has to go somewhere, and this is as good a place as any. Perhaps if you consciously project as much of it as you can, to Crow, until he is as black as he can be, Crow might take it all somewhere else for you. He loves to steal things, and as he already has a connection with you, you should try to work with it, even though you fear him. Talk to him when you see him out and about. Just nod, and say "G' Morning, Lord Crow". The more you acknowledge him, the more of your fear he will take from you. The more you familiarise your self with Crow, the less you will fear him. Downsize your fear of Crow, to a manageable, Crow sized fear. (After all, he is only a bird) Then you can ask if you can Adopt him as Totem. If he accepts you, (And I think he will) then he will always tell you things. Crow is a wise bird, and knows a lot. Crow is a strong Totem, so your relationship with him will make you strong. Study him, read his storys, learn his ways. You have already begun to do this, by asking here about him. Something in you (your fear) calls to Crow, and Crow calls back. He wants that thing. (your fear) you don't really fear Crow, you fear the part of you that calls to him. So let him have it. Make it your gift to him. Crow likes his people to give of themselves. Crow is a good Ally, for all that he feeds on dead things. Give him your dead things, (your fear) your carrion. (It is his anyway, by virtue of him being Crow)
Crow won't take your life, (he doesn't want live things, he wants dead things) Crow is Crow. Find out the nature of Crow, and Crow will impart wisdom and strength. Fear is the unknown, so know Crow, and he will
replace your fear with Crow.
Your Dad did have a point though, (about the bare feet and the lawnmower) but he had a retarded way of making it!
