Perhaps C_A. Perhaps I just need to know myself first, as from my past posts it seems to me that I'm looking for something yet I don't know what it is nor where to even find it.
From where I sit (here at my computer station in my bedroom) you all seem so well versed, so well read and informative. I could even say that I'm often intimidated by the pure quality and relevance of the posts you guys write and that I then read. I often ask myself if I could ever keep up? Could I possibly say something equally as wise? Could I ever be that "grown up" because in reality that's how I feel upon this forum - so immature and uneducated.
I could never write upon the level of Serpentium, be as bold as Khara, as mature as Dark Magus, as realistic as you. I used to read so much but lately I'm too impatient to read a book, the information dosn't come fast enough for me. I feel like I've got to hurry up and catch up, like all those years in prison have somehow put me behind. So when someone presents a "truth" I may tend to grasp a hold of it with both hands were you guys would merely call it "foolery" and move on. I feel like I'm running out of time.
Well you are young in many ways. You've had two major restarts in your life. First you had to re-start not only as an ostensibly male person who identifies as a woman but who physically is a woman and who is recognised by the outside world (if not always the Bureaucracy) as one .
Then you got banged up for 15 years and had to re-start life as a free
woman, not an incarcerated one.You suffered the agonies of the damned during your term. You've got to live knowing that a lot of people will always judge you by your past deeds and not your future or potential ones. And somehow you've got to forge a place oin this new world which went to hell in V8 Super-car while you were inside.
That's a bloody big ask mate.
You're all the time knocking yourself and looking at what's bad about you and what's lacking about you and what you don't know. How smart you aren't. What and whom you can't compete alongside.
Wake up to yourself Michelle. You ought to know far better than I that anyone who can survive what you've survived. Who can do 15 years and come out whole. Who furthermore managed to forge a deeply close, committed and sincere, non expoloitative personal human relationship while in there. One which to this day she recalls with affection and joy alondside the sadnessatf the loss of it. A person who has returned to the free world with all its temptations and shiny distractions. With all the possibilities there are and the myriad ways in which you could have screwed up...and not done so.
Anyone who can do all that....baby if we could bottle what you've
got that we
dont have..... we could solve all the ills of the bloody world.