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[Draconis Rex]

This topic is for an exchange of ideas to weigh up the pro's and con's of being either a solitary or a coven member. Which is going to be more beneficial for whom and why? Matters of choice? Is there more to be gained by being one or the other? Personal experiences to share? What preconceptions do you have (i.e. as a solitary, what do you imagine life in a coven would be like? as a dedicated covener how do you imagine life as a solitary), and so on.

I'm looking for input on as many aspects as possible and as many contributions too. All angles and all views are encouraged. To post here, it must be accepted that everyone is entitled to their opinion and this must be respected please.

[firefly83]

I think being in a coven has its upsides, such as teaching and learning from each other. But being solitary i think lets you be your own person, yet in my opinion it can be quite lonely

[oldghost]

Comes down to good Witch , bad Witch . If you are new to the Craft then having other to help you along the way is good , if you have fears about what your doing their support can be welcome. On the other hand if you have been a solitary for some time , you will be set in the way you do things and joining a Coven could led to conflict on who's way is better. An that help no one , those that have been taught by family seem to be more secretive and want to keep the family secrets secret. many Witches that I know that have started out in Coven have become solitaries.
 
To be trained by others is a benefit but then I think you should go your own way , maybe return for major ceremonies . Being on ones own I believe can bring you closer to your beliefs and ways of interacting with your personal God/dess or both.

[behindstarryeyes]

I agree.  Both can have their pros and cons. 

Coven life has the potential to be a wonderful thing, if the coven is a good one.  It has the potential to be like a family, with the newer members learning from the (hopefully) wiser ones.  However, just like any other group, there is always room for immaturity, power struggles, squabbling, shirking of duities...I could go on for days, really.  I personally would love to be part of a coven, but that blessing hasn't been bestowed upon me.  I do have a friend who states she is interested in learning from me and forming a group, but I don't know that she is really that serious, which is frustrating.  I take my religion very seriously and would be highly offronted if I spent hours and hours in preparation for teaching and my neophyte didn't show up or want to pay attention.  I can imagine that if you enjoy the other coven members, and you get along well, then everything could be peachy.  However, I can also see that coven life could be a drugery or burden, taking all the joy out of the practice.

On the other hand, being a solitary can be a wonderful thing.  You get to choose what rituals to do, when to do them (well, mostly, ha), what spells to do, etc.  You don't have to work around everyone in the coven's schedules or deal with lazy or unmovtivated members.  You can grow and learn at your own pace, or even go AWOL for a month or two with no one being the wiser.  However, again, there's always a dark side.  Solitary practice (as I know) can be very lonely.  You have no sounding board, no one to prod you when you've grown stagnant, no one to just simply enjoy the awesomeness of being witchy.  No one to poke you and say, "Hey, is that really a good idea?" when you get it in your head to do that love spell.

Personally, I am a solitary by necessity, but I have dreamy fantasies of a wonderful coven-family...probably very unrealistic ones, ha.

[marisol]

I really wish I had family to learn from, which for me would have been wonderful. A family would
be considered a coven. A little more friendly and tolerate than strangers. A coven would offer more structured teaching, but I have a problem with trusting.

As a solitary I can do what I want, when I want and learn at my own pace. Being solitary calls to
the individual and is quite fulfilling. Can be lonely, but we could all feel lonely in a crowd. I can see
it would be appealing to have someone to share with. But I am very hesitant about that. I am pretty much a loner and to tell you the truth I like it that way.

[Draconis Rex]

I really wish I had family to learn from, which for me would have been wonderful. A family would
be considered a coven. A little more friendly and tolerate than strangers. A coven would offer more structured teaching, but I have a problem with trusting.

As a solitary I can do what I want, when I want and learn at my own pace. Being solitary calls to
the individual and is quite fulfilling. Can be lonely, but we could all feel lonely in a crowd. I can see
it would be appealing to have someone to share with. But I am very hesitant about that. I am pretty much a loner and to tell you the truth I like it that way.

Thank you for this Marisol, this I can fully relate to in every way.

I am solitary by choice mainly because I am not comfortable with other people, and trust does come into it with me too, but as you say it allows for one to progress at ones own pace. Unfortunately should I become lax then there is no one to push me along which is the down side. A coven environment would be good in that respect perhaps but I think I would feel penned in.

Unfortunately I also had no family who could steer or guide me, especially in a comfortable environment. I also had no friends who even showed the slightest interest in the craft. Everything I have learned has been through my own work, however I was never sure what I could trust and what not. I have picked up a lot since being on this forum, everyone here has given me structure to what I do know (whether they realise it or not) and I've been able to now realise what information I can cast aside as hocum, and which is valid. In a way this forum has been a little like my own little coven...LoL (thanks guys  ) This is why I maintain that I have still got so much yet to learn.

Maybe if I WAS in a coven setting I would advance more quickly but I'm not sure. I kind of like being a loner, I always have been that way, a bit old to change that now. Perhaps if there was someone else I could hook up with who wants to tread the same path, that I think would be nice.

[Arnemetia]

I have been a solitary for a long time out of choice.  I have seen the inner workings of a coven and find I am not suited for that.  I do work occasionally with a coven here and have even been invited to join functions not usually open to outsiders. The energy of being with a group is exciting and powerful.  The inside issues that come with any tight knit group is not.  For me, its like spending to much time with family... after a while everyone starts acting like 10 year olds. LOL  I would never discourage anyone from joining a coven, the knowledge that can be gained is priceless.  I would however caution them to be very picky and be sure of the group they are joining.

[oldghost]

Was only in one coven back in the early 80's , those people gave a whole new meaning to dysfunctional .

[Draconis Rex]

I have been a solitary for a long time out of choice.  I have seen the inner workings of a coven and find I am not suited for that.  I do work occasionally with a coven here and have even been invited to join functions not usually open to outsiders. The energy of being with a group is exciting and powerful.  The inside issues that come with any tight knit group is not.  For me, its like spending to much time with family... after a while everyone starts acting like 10 year olds. LOL  I would never discourage anyone from joining a coven, the knowledge that can be gained is priceless.  I would however caution them to be very picky and be sure of the group they are joining.

And there it is.

I'm very casual about my ways, so what you say doesn't scare me, but it does say to me that I would be too laid back. I couldn't be doing with all the in house bickering either.

[oldghost]

Another good thing about been a solitary is that when you screw up you don't have a bunch of people ( who did nothing to help you in the first place) telling you , you screwed up.

[Draconis Rex]

Another good thing about been a solitary is that when you screw up you don't have a bunch of people ( who did nothing to help you in the first place) telling you , you screwed up.

A very valid point my friend. Screwing up is always a strong possibility/liklihood.

[oldghost]

An without witnesses , you can blame it on someone else .

[Draconis Rex]

The thought of being in a coven does intrigue me I have to say. To be part of something, to share the knowledge and ritual, to feel the sensation of belonging and to experience the euphoria (is that the right word?) that participation would bring.

There IS something missing in my life and whether its something like this I really don't know. What I do know is that I don't have the discipline in myself to be able to continually attend moots. I would always fear falling by the wayside, and I wouldn't want to disrespect a coven by behaving in this manner. Its not a "club" after all, where you can turn up or not, and it doesn't matter.

I admit, I do ponder.

[auntygreens]

i was part of a group at one point.

my experience was both lovely and hurtful.

i think part of becoming a group with others is that there is little consensus on what is to be practiced and which faces of which dieties to follow.  we all have our own interpretation of the Mother, whether or not we agree that S/He/It exists.

what was lovely was that i found someone else who had dream teachings similar to my own enough that we could overlook the differences in definition.  we talked, laughed, understood the way of life as an every day happening.  that magic and ritual and touching the world could happen in the most mundane or minutest of ways.  very precious and special.

what was hurtful was that one of the males of our little group became very demanding and jealous.  he could not see that the whole meant all of us, not just putting him first.  he was the last to join. even though we all moved and jostled around to make him feel more comfortable, it was nearly impossible for him to let go of that.  he wanted me to leave with him and start a new group, with him as an alpha male, and did not understand that the rest of use chose not to be alphas around each other.

i think covens work for small amounts of time.  but i also think that we have to grow and reshape them, as our understanding of our universe and environment change.

[oldghost]

Doesn't seem to matter what it is from just talking to building a new world there will always be some jackass that will ruin it for the rest of the people . Always will be one that thinks there more important and special . Or that can only see there way no matter what you prove to them , there minds are empty of all but air .