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Author Topic: Coven or Solitary  (Read 5458 times)

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Draconis Rex

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2012, 04:34:40 AM »

Ok tried to respond here but the brain doesn't appear to be in gear!
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Earthbound Spirit

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2012, 08:52:19 AM »

Your coven mates should help you not make mistakes.  AG, didn't y'all as a group have to decide to take this fellow in?  Seems to me as a group y'all could of sent him packing.  Problem solved. ;D 
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lucifer

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2012, 09:03:20 AM »

Your coven mates should help you not make mistakes.  AG, didn't y'all as a group have to decide to take this fellow in?  Seems to me as a group y'all could of sent him packing.  Problem solved. ;D
A group without any alpha-types (a group which doesn't want any alpha-types either) can let someone like that in, but then it would be hard for any of them to step up and say "You... You've got to go, you scumbag"...

I'm guessing that they didn't have too many Earth signs in that group :D
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behindstarryeyes

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2012, 09:29:03 AM »

Your coven mates should help you not make mistakes.  AG, didn't y'all as a group have to decide to take this fellow in?  Seems to me as a group y'all could of sent him packing.  Problem solved. ;D

I was thinking the same thing, really.  For me, that kind of behavior would have necessitated what I like to call, tongue-in-cheek, a "come to Jesus meeting" and the rest of the world would probably call an intervention.  I would have tried to get everyone together and as a group would have explained to this person the original goal of the coven, how his behvior was not compatable with this, and give him the option of either toeing in the line, or getting out.  Maybe even have him sign a statement and given him a time limit to improve.  But then I know that many people have confrontation issues, something I no longer have, lol.
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Draconis Rex

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #19 on: September 25, 2012, 10:35:19 AM »

So, I'm guessing this isn't common in covens then?

I always imagined the members of a coven to be always in tune with each other, despite different personalities. The sharing in rituals or rites being that, that gelled everyone together.
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oldghost

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #20 on: September 25, 2012, 11:32:13 AM »

Drac. some covens can run so smooth that there like greased glass other are no more then fight clubs . Most are fairly normal . I think the ones that get along the best are with people that have never had any support from friends ( some friends ) and family . Group that have many people that way seem to be more supportive and closer ( good new friend and a new understanding family ).
 
It's bad coven's that make being a solitary more an more popularly.
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Draconis Rex

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2012, 12:18:06 PM »

I find that really quite sad.

I suppose the obvious question would have to be, How would you know?. But I guess you wouldn't really until you'd been accepted in, and been there for a while.
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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup

I WAS the 5th rider of the Apocalypse, before they became famous.

auntygreens

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2012, 05:58:22 PM »

hmm.  hard to explain it, really, to those outside our little group.

yes, there was a "vote" of sorts.  of sorts.  there was a calling to find our fourth.  three of us had come together.  the fourth was needed for balance.  when this person arrived in our lives, there was a pattern that "alpha boy" fit to a large percentage.  there was jealousy at first.  but then, acceptance through conversation, through mutual activites, both mundane and other.  with patience comes understanding.

when it was over, this breaking is half of what caused me to walk away from all of this for four years.

  i finally kicked "alpha boy" to the curb.  and it has taken me a while to understand what attracted me to him, to accept him into that precious part of my life.  and why he really didn't fit, in the long run.

the fourth member of our little group... let's just say she is getting her just desserts.  out of all of them, she is the one i cut out, without a second thought.  she did not do her part.  and was a part of how "alpha boy" couldn't adapt.

fp and i are still together.

and me and alpha boy? hmm.  well.  part of him really, seriously needed healing.  as the healing commenced, the more "alpha" boy sulked.  he began picking fights and picking me apart where i am weakest.  i do not think it was deliberate.  just his damage rubbing up against my own.

fp and i remain.  he is soured on covens now.  me?  i am a lot more cautious.

but i can say, without doubt, hurt or reservation, that when it works, your heart sings inside.  and i do not regret, as hurt as i was by all of it.  part of that song will always be with me.  whenever i do air rits with knives or feel a length of satin ribbon.  i will always feel the love that was part of those rits.  there is this sense of... unity.  a unity that bridges the small differences of belief, if you are willing to let yourself loose in it.  the saying- "i come to this circle in perfect love and perfect trust."  you become a part of it.  all of you do, and then, there is this little click.  and that feeling takes on a life of its own.

imagine looking into your chant-partner's eyes and seeing the same love of life and joy of creation and excitement.

those things will always be with me.

i do my rits alone now.  i am not sure i would join a coven again.  or start one.  part of what remains with me is so precious, i am not sure i can say- in perfect love and trust, because i do not know if i can share that part of me.  i would like to find a handful of healing circles to be a part of- shaman, druidic, or otherwise.  i would love to find people who can come together without ego and say- lets raise some good healthy energy and release it into the world to assist in ending suffering.

drac- i can say that my chant partner and i spoke nearly every day for almost five and a half years.  we were two halves of a whole.  and fp has a way of both knocking my thoughts out of my head as well as sharpening my focus so that i can pinpoint problems in my area.  we were in tune with each other quite a bit.

the problem usually arises when someone refuses to heal.  they hold on to pain or a wound because it defines their identity.  to be in a coven and watch it rise, you have to be willing to look into yourself and let go.  to always work on your own issues, because your partners are counting on you.  you have to let go of your own ego.  you have to be able to say- "this person is trying to share with me, not compete.  they know things i do not." one needs to remove the impulse inside yourself that rises to the challenge of someone else knowing things you do not.  if you can do those things, and trust that your partners can do those things, and learn to forgive when this does not happen, then you can rise a coven that is like you describe.
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To give love, one must acknowledge, accept, validate, and share. But most important of all of these is to reassure, as it removes doubt, fear, and hurts well beyond any other Healing in this World.

oldghost

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #23 on: September 25, 2012, 06:38:12 PM »

It takes on one to do great things and it takes only one to destroy all the good that others have done.
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Draconis Rex

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #24 on: September 25, 2012, 06:41:10 PM »

AuntyGreens, I thank you for opening and sharing that with me (us, if it feels relevent to anyone else). You have given me something insightful, and something I need to take away and think about. I understand now more fully your earlier post and putting the two together has made me realise I have to mull things over for a while.

I can see you took something with you through your experience, and I am glad of that for you. It's such a shame that there was not enough balance for your group to have continued and grown. I also see however, you don't regret your time with them.

Thanks again for sharing.
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auntygreens

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #25 on: September 25, 2012, 06:44:02 PM »

if it is not embarrassing, may i ask what prompted you to ask, Drac?
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To give love, one must acknowledge, accept, validate, and share. But most important of all of these is to reassure, as it removes doubt, fear, and hurts well beyond any other Healing in this World.

Draconis Rex

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #26 on: September 25, 2012, 07:02:31 PM »

The thought of being in a coven does intrigue me I have to say. To be part of something, to share the knowledge and ritual, to feel the sensation of belonging and to experience the euphoria (is that the right word?) that participation would bring.

There IS something missing in my life and whether its something like this I really don't know. What I do know is that I don't have the discipline in myself to be able to continually attend moots. I would always fear falling by the wayside, and I wouldn't want to disrespect a coven by behaving in this manner. Its not a "club" after all, where you can turn up or not, and it doesn't matter.

I admit, I do ponder.

Basically this AG ^^^ It is something I had considered, but I am a person who tends to over analyse things and that leads to doubts and second guessing. Hence my saying that I need to ponder things.

Oh and by the way, no embarrassment caused or felt  ;)
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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup

I WAS the 5th rider of the Apocalypse, before they became famous.

lucifer

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2012, 07:07:23 PM »

This is your wakeup call, Draconis Rex. Tomorrow you will begin looking for a coven and you won't stop until you find one (preferably a good one)... Don't let us down. :-p
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auntygreens

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #28 on: September 25, 2012, 07:08:58 PM »

drac,

i guess, in a lot of ways, i do not put walls up for myself unless i understand that i need that wall "there."  i have a lot of barriers and trust issues.  but i try like anything to tear them down when i see them.  it leads me to get hurt and be hurt.  and my life style says- so what?  i am not afraid of pain, but i do not seek it, either.

if my experiences lead to helping someone else, so much the better.  there are a lot of practical every day things to living in a coven or with a spiritual partner that aren't in the books.  and i am not saying i am/was the best at negotiating a lot of that.

what started me on my path was a need to end suffering in others.  this is the basis of my calling.  i was lucky to find others that wanted the same thing, and could let go of themselves and not be threatened by my life enough to allow me in to theirs.  even tho i do not have it anymore, i wouldn't change that for anything.  i had it.  i had it and i did something with it that will never be taken away.  what i saw, what we did, what we changed, yes, it was definitely worth it.  even if my quad broke into pieces.  but i know that fp does not feel the same way i do.

if anyone can do that, live that, be that, or thinks that maybe that lifestyle is too far out there, then they know.  they have looked into their hearts and maybe found an avenue that can lead them into something greater.  they may decide that the best thing they can do is NOT join a coven, but to reach out in open invitation.  or they may decide that they need a large group to ground themselves in...

take the time.  look inside and see what resonates.  you might want to do a reach out to see if there are other like-minded solitaries that would be willing to do an open rit to perform a specific task.  or you may wish to consult to see if there are open shamanic circles in your area to give you that connection you are seeking while yet not ascribing to someone else's whims.

if any of you want to talk more, i am happy to answer or chat.  and content to remain silent, as well.  i do not live in shame of my life.  i would rather it be useful than just be a "past" to ponder over as the years go by.
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To give love, one must acknowledge, accept, validate, and share. But most important of all of these is to reassure, as it removes doubt, fear, and hurts well beyond any other Healing in this World.

Draconis Rex

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Re: Coven or Solitary
« Reply #29 on: September 25, 2012, 07:30:40 PM »

A very kind offer Aunty, be sure I will hold on to that invitation with your permission.

For my part, I have walls and for the most part I like them being there. To be honest and a little open, I have pain inside (as I'm sure most of us do) but it's been there for so long now its become part of me and to use a phrase in your earlier post, it does kind of define who I am. I have forgotten who I once was, and it's been so long now that I wouldn't fit into that person anymore anyway. This is not something I usually allow to be known, it's kept inside. And the facade is the laughy, jokey, take the piss dude that everyone sees.

Where I live is just a small town in the centre of the Scottish Borders, so it's kind of difficult to find any Pagan oriented folks around here. And being that there are so few, I am in danger of meeting with Fluffy headed McWiccans whos inspiration came from the hallowed halls of television. I tread warily.

I do watch out for others though.
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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup

I WAS the 5th rider of the Apocalypse, before they became famous.
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