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Newbie Haven => Newbies => Topic started by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 12:41:30 PM

Title: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 12:41:30 PM
So as I've said many times, my family are all very religious Christains. My mother never was like that (though still called herself Christain) until a few years ago when a bunch of family crap went down. Now she's become an almost crazy Christain (in the sense that she doesn't always go to church or feel the need for it or vigorously read the bible ever night, but she does attempt to preach to me when I'm with her). I think she's beginning to catch on that I'm "straying" from that religion (though unbeknownst to her I've already left). Now she's beginning to bring it up a lot and gives me subtle hints that I'm hell bound should I not accept Jesus as my savior and have the Christain God in my heart. This keeps happening every time I see her now and it's really annoying and freaky.

Have you ever had your own mother tell you you're going to hell if you don't believe what she does? And what should I do to get her off my back? I know she won't ever let it drop, even when I'm living on my own. Maybe I should carry a bible around for camouflage... XD

I know some people are going to tell me that since I'm a minor I have to believe what she tells me to blah blah blah, but why do beliefs have to be a legal thing? I thought I have a right to believe what I want, even if I'm a minor and some people disagree. I don't think I've read anywhere that I have to tell her I'm Pagan and a studying Witch. Though if anyone says I do, my family situation isn't the greatest and I can only begin to imagine what torment I'd be sent through should I discuss this calling to her.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: marisol on November 10, 2015, 03:21:29 PM
KittyKat this is a common problem, especially since you are a minor. You have every right to privacy, you don't have to share your
choices with anyone. But if you live in your mother's home and are underage, you must abide by her rules. Sometimes it's best to
compromise and meet her half way. Let things cool off. There will come a time when you will be able to talk with your mom re: your
choice. When you can discuss these things calmly with her, and she realizes she is hurting you, you may get along better.

People need time to understand, she may be very worried that she is losing you. Be patient and hold your temper with her. Fighting
will only cause more tension between you. Give her time to understand. She is worried about you. The time to discuss this may not
be now, but the time will come.

This is a problem many have had, it will work out. You will find a way.

Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 03:30:45 PM
Thank you Mari! I live with my grandmother, but she isn't my legal guardian. So it's just when I visit her or talk to her that she brings this up. There will never be any comprising if she were to hear about me being pagan. She'd probably try to send me to therapy or something and say I'm mentally unstable. Be so ashamed of me she'd probably disown me. My sister is the favorite anyways, I'm just the money child. XD

Anyways. There will never be understanding. My grandmother still doesn't like it and she's the only family member that knows.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Draconis Rex on November 10, 2015, 03:33:29 PM
Been there, done that, worn the t-shirt, that t-shirt is now an oily rag in the back of a garage.
Your mother is merely concerned about you, her beliefs dictate that anyone not a Christian is going to hell and she simply doesn't want that for you, so she is trying to keep you safe. I'm sorry to say, you are going to get it for years to come, I know, I did.
Try to be accepting of her feelings as much as you can and try to realise she is doing it out of love for you. The rest is as Mari said, in time when you're older, perhaps you can talk to her and ease her off a little (easing off completely will never happen, accept that....LoL)
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 03:37:20 PM
Thank you Drac. She doesn't know I'm no longer Christain but she's starting to believe the "end of days" is coming so her nagging is getting worse and worse. It's also really scary to be condemned to such a horrible place just because you don't believe what some other people do. This forum is really my only safe haven and sometimes I just don't know what to do, especially with such a religious family.

I don't know if I'll ever tell her, but I'll try to be less annoyed and freaked out by it since she only does it because she cares (or so I'd like to think. I mean I'm sure that's what it is but I definitely question her affection for me).
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Draconis Rex on November 10, 2015, 04:36:24 PM
Well for years my mother continually badgered me about my faith simply because I was a "backslider", as far as she was concerned I had no religious beliefs having broken away from the Baptist ministry. She's no longer around, but even today I wouldn't tell her I'm Pagan, more for her own piece of mind than anything else.
You will not get anyone telling you anything here that would appear to be going against your own mothers wishes, it's something we don't advocate here. We may support you in your own faith on your path, but we will never go against anyones parents. So with that in mind, by all means you are welcome here as your safe haven.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 04:44:09 PM
What's a backslider? And I can understand that, parents worry to death about their kids no matter the age. My family is also Baptist, I didn't realize how closely you could sympathize until you said that. Though my church (I guess I can still call it that) is more baptist in name. I don't think the pastor would ever turn away anyone unless they were a threat to the members and people. But we still have close minded members in the church who are very Baptist.

Of course, right now I think her only wish is that I become a strong Christain like I used to be as a little girl. I just need about a year and a half and then I'm free to be my own person. Until then though I'll do whatever the adults tell me to. Or try to as I do forget to do things (like clean my room)... XD
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Canis on November 10, 2015, 05:03:50 PM
I'm 41 and my mom still occasionally tries to get me to go to Mass and say the Rosary every night, although, that has subsided quite a bit since I moved back to Massachusetts. It's just something parents (especially moms) will do out of concern for your well being. She may ease up over time, mine did.

Like Drac, I'm not in a rush to tell her I'm a witch. She has seen my pentacle and asked about it once, but the phone rang before I could answer and she hasn't asked since.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Draconis Rex on November 10, 2015, 05:04:45 PM
 :o :o  Oh! You can't be a Pagan with a messy room  :o :o
       ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
A backslider is one who reverts to the "sinful" ways one followed before becoming a Christian. Another expression is "falling away".
My mother was brought up in the Exclusive Plymouth Brethern, pretty extreme and strict bunch. Look them up if you need to find out more  :-p
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 05:08:44 PM
Ah!!! I'll clean my room up super fast and have it all neat and tidy!! XP

I'll definitely look them up! Does that mean I'm a backslider too?
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 05:12:51 PM
I hope mine eases up once I'm 18. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't (probably just keep dealing with it like I do know, haha)! She's only ever seen your pentacle, Canis? Were you younger when she saw it or were you an adult adult (already had a big job and could take care of yourself entirely)?
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Canis on November 10, 2015, 05:14:40 PM
An adult. This was shortly after I moved back here. And as for big job, I'm struggling to get back on my feet at the moment, one of the reasons I moved back here.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Draconis Rex on November 10, 2015, 05:35:24 PM
I grew up with a fascination for Pentacles, Ankh crosses and skulls and various other things. My mother saw them as "unhealthy" and tried to get me away from them. I also used to draw weird creatures in cartoon like form which she hated very much, she called them my evil drawings.... There was never anything evil about them, simply weird and most often funny.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 05:42:25 PM
I hope you get a good job soon Canis!

I like those sorts of things too, Drac. I love darker clothes that have bones and skulls on them and my favorite store has cute dresses that have skull buttons or patterns. My family won't let me get anything with skulls or pentacles because they think they're evil and nasty. :/ Do you still have any of those drawings?
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Ashe Isadora on November 10, 2015, 05:42:54 PM
Just an aside, Kittykat.  No one can force you to believe anything, and there are no legal requirements to believe what your family believes. You're only limited in your practice and for now, whom you can consult for religious instruction. But that doesn't mean you can't draw your own conclusions.

Another thing to consider.  As unpalatable as you may find Christianity to be, still we swim in a sea of Christians.  The more you understand the religion, its theology and its principles the better.  You will better understand your reasons for wanting to be pagan (if that's what you choose), and your responses to Christian challenges will be more intelligent and thought out because you've already considered these questions. You can actually benefit from this, just hang in there and learn as much as you can. And remember our gods are not jealous.  They will still be there for you if and when the time comes that you want to forge a relationship.

Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Canis on November 10, 2015, 05:45:30 PM
I've got a job now. Doesn't pay what driving did, but truck driving's getting to be more of a hassle than it's worth.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 10, 2015, 05:50:21 PM
Thanks for the advice Ashe. I thought I'd read somewhere that if your parents want you to believe something you have to. Or maybe that was an opinion of someone, I'm not sure.

I'd like to think I understand a lot of it, but there just seems to be so many Christains who are hypocritical and the Bible even seems to disagree with itself. Like how you have to love everyone and show them kindness and respect but then burn all witches at the stake because they're evil. Things like that. I've actually had many debates with adults, classmates, etc about Christianity. Both against and with it. I suppose there will never really be any true understanding to the religion though since it's so... I can't think of a word. It just constantly disagrees with itself and is full of judgemental people (not all, but definitely a lot).
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Alchymist on November 11, 2015, 12:52:59 AM
Hi KittyKat. I can definitely relate to your situation. My family, while I was growing up, was basically Unitarian, which is one of the more liberal varieties of Christianity, but we weren't regular churchgoers and I was never proselytized at at home (though my mother used a lot of emotional blackmail on me to get me to do what she wanted, and my father had a book that was given to him by some door-to-door Jehovah's Witnesses, so that whenever a religious question came up in family discussions out would come THE BOOK......)

School, however, was another story; it was supposedly a secular school but back in the 1950s every morning began with prayers and hymn singing, every Christmas we performed nativity plays, and there was a compulsory course called Religious Knowledge, which was actually nothing of the sort; it was purely Bible study from a strictly orthodox Protestant Christian point of view, and the underlying (if unspoken) message was always "You're going to Hell if you don't believe what we tell you...." I failed the final exam....

I learned, very early, to keep silent about my own esoteric studies, following the principles usually referred to as "The Witch's Pyramid" - To Know, To Will, To Dare, and TO KEEP SILENT. My family, and even my teachers, may have suspected, but they never knew for certain what kind of mutant they were raising, until I finally moved away.

Become like the Wise Chameleon, who fades into his environment by changing colour to match his background, while always retaining his true chameleon spirit - indeed, follow the advice of the Mediaeval Rosicrucians (the real Rosicrucians, not the modern PseudoRosicrucians who take out full-page advertisements in magazines like "Fate" or "Enlightenment Now") - "Wear the garb and follow the laws and customs of the land wherein ye dwell." Five centuries later, this is still good advice, although your family aren't going to throw you in a cold wet rat-infested dungeon, torture you until you reveal the names of your coven members, then burn you at the stake in the town square - at least not unless they are completely crazy psychopathic super-extreme fundamentalists - and in just a few years you can go your own way and be free of them.

I know, I know, families can be truly annoying; my mother was still trying to interfere in my life almost until the day she died, at 95; I was 62 at the time!!!  Luckily I had emigrated to Canada by then: at a distance of 4000 miles, I could just about manage to get along with her......

Blessed Be, KittyKat and everyone,

Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: Alces Alces on November 11, 2015, 08:17:49 AM
No one can tell you what to believe in your heart. It is the actions those beliefs bring about that are a different matter. Plain and simple... as a minor your parents (and since you live in her house your grandmother) are boss!

By performing actions such as rituals, spell casting or anything else they forbid is disrespecting your parents. No one, especially your parents deserve disrespect. As the others have said, they tell you these things because the love and care about you. And as Ashe said, we live in a sea of Christians, some of whom will come to like you and feel compelled to warn you about the dangers of hell.

When do parents stop telling you what to do? I'm 54. When you find out tell me. This is just the way life is. Respect your parents and try to live peacefully... it will go easier on you.
Title: Re: Support from other pagans (please?)
Post by: KittyKat on November 12, 2015, 04:21:34 PM
Thank you for the comments Alchy and Alces! I don't think pretending to be Christain will be too hard since I've been raised by its beliefs. I do respect (most) of the adults in my family. It's mainly my mother who I don't completely respect as she's put me through so much emotional pain and torment it took me everything I had to not kill myself a couple years ago (and it wasn't just her, there were other factors like bullying, always being an outcast, many many family problems, divorce, etc). I don't do any spell casting (as I've yet to have my year and a day) nor do I do any rituals because my family wouldn't agree with it and should my grandfather walk in on me there is no telling what would happen (his health is going downhill and is showing signs of dementia and so he's really cranky and has started yelling at me for no reason). I only have a BOS and a BOM, both which I don't think count because one is more of a journal and one is for writing about herbs, oils, trees, stones, spells, etc. and I won't be writing spells until around this time next year.

Alchy, that sounds like a catholic school thingy. I knew a guy who went to something like that before going to the school I'm enrolled in now. The religious schools really scare me tbh. Feels like they'd still smack disobedient kids with rulers on their hands. Wonder if my mother would send me to one if she found out I'm studying to be a Witch and I'm pagan... XD Did your mom ever rain you with calls and messages? My mom will send forty messages if I don't respond to one and will call me ten times in a row if I don't answer her first. It's woken me up before because j sleep with my phone (sounds really stupid but my boyfriend and I fall to sleep together and that's my only way to contact him so I end up sleeping with my phone all night). I answered that one time after she had called me like four times and it woke me up, and I am not a morning person so I answered all cranky and stuff like "what?!" And I pretty much got a lecture about being rude... :/ hahha!!