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Author Topic: Choosing the Path Before Me  (Read 1093 times)

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Damanex

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Choosing the Path Before Me
« on: September 17, 2013, 07:42:11 PM »

Greeting and hello to wherever you call home on this amazing planet.

I am new to this whole Wiccan thing, err, I should say I am doing lots and lots of research into as of recently. It started as one of those online tests. You know the type. Which religion best fits you. I was pleasantly surprised with the results but Neo-Paganism was my number two choice. I decided to look into it since I had nothing special to do on this relatively boring Friday night and it really was a rabbit hole. Now, I am hoping some experienced witches can help point me in the right direction. If you have time, that is. I have a lot of details to share with you and I hope that with your experience, I can learn some more about this wonderful spiritual belief system (if that’s fair to say) and about myself.

Let me start by saying that magick was never an absent aspect in my life. My mother is a witch and has been most of her life. Growing up, she always struck me as strange and marched to the beat of her own drum. Still, that wasn’t something that was part of my life. At least not at the time. I was mostly raised by her mother, my grandmother who was a devout Christian and tried to raise me as such. Still, when I was around my Mom, she would tell me weird and fantastic things like “Honey, you have a lot of angels around you right now” and “Wow, the spirits really admire you aura” in many pictures she took of me as a child. I thought was all bogus and deluded as a child but couldn’t help but feel my grandma was pulling a veil over my eyes. When I grew up and became estranged from my mother, I began to use my brain, the most powerful tool in my opinion, to see through the veil. I was raised to love everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done, like Jesus, right? Wrong! When I started to see that many organizations and churches hated and shunned Gay and Lesbian people, looked down upon others, and tried to live in their safe little bubbles, I wanted nothing to do with it. I made it a goal to learn as much about cultures and the world as I could. When the time came to graduate high school, I knew I didn’t have the grades to go to college or my adoptive father having the funds to support that. I decided to join the Navy.

It wasn’t like I talked to recruiters or anything like that. I saw the Navy and knew that it was calling to me. The fact that if I gave away four years of my life for a free-ride in college was enough for me. Even when I was in, I never considered myself part of the greater thing, I did not want to be a cog in the machine of the military. I thought of myself as a mercenary. I was here to do a job with the goal of payment when it was complete. Still, I connected and met so many people that I felt that I was right at home. Now that I have been researching Wicca and things of the like, I have been meditating on some experiences that made me consider that this may be the path for me. Allow me to explain. If you’re still reading, Kudos! You deserve another cup of tea, coffee, or whatever turns you on!

The first instance was when I was in San Diego for my training school after boot camp. We had a mandatory fun day (yes, that is a thing) on base where all kinds of fun and tom-foolery was taking place. There, I encountered a psychic. I am not sure what role they play in the religion, if any at all but allow me to get to the strange happenstance. I was waiting in a line of about 4 or 5 people. I was excited to see what she would say, even as a gimmick. When there were about 3 people in line, the woman leaned back in her chair and shot me a concerned look. I didn’t think anything of it. Then she did it twice more (wow, I just realized it was three times total, interesting). Finally, it was my turn and I took my seat next to her. She stared at me for a moment before speaking. She said “It’s you!” To which I replied a smart ass response. She smiled and said the strangest thing I have heard. Not because of its content but because I had heard it before. “You have a really strong spiritual energy. I could sense it from the back of the line. You have spirits all around you.” The hair on the back of my neck stood up, it still does when I think back to it. She asked if I had any interest in harnessing my energy and making use of it. Like a “sane” person, I kindly declined but it always stuck with me.

I often go back to this instance and think of these spirits that apparently watch over me and keep me safe. If I had to say that I had any source of divinity, I would credit it to my incredible luck. I am always getting by by the skin of my teeth and always staying one swing ahead of the sword as Aladdin would say. I always credit these “spirits” even if I am not certain of their nature. Still, it was something fun to entertain. Plus, sailors are a superstitious bunch.

Another strange thing happened on my first ship in the Navy. I was stationed in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii and it was always lovely if you can imagine. I am curious if I possibly cast a spell without thinking about it. I did it with a Necklace I held holy in my mind from a lost love. She was my first real love but she was not true to our cause of romance. Still, I held on to this necklace like a love-struck sap because it was gift and I felt in my heart of hearts that she would be mine if I waited. Of course, that was dark time in my life as young love goes and she ended up having her new man set the record straight for me. I was torn asunder. I couldn’t believe that I waited so patiently only to be denied. That night, just as the sun was setting over the Pacific Ocean, I walked to the port side of the ship and cried. I removed the necklace and said that my heart belonged to the ocean, that as long as I served the sea, that I would never love or seek it until my contract was up and I had given all I could. I released the necklace and watched as it sank out of sight. From that point on, I unwittingly felt cursed because I could not even get a woman to look at me. I could never figure out why but now, upon reflection, I feel like I set myself up for that. Poor love life in my early 20’s aside, I became one with the sea. I loved going out on the open ocean, sitting atop the outside decks at night and admiring the stars, being tossed around in rough seas and watching the rookie sailors vomit into plastic bags, and I even had the chance (not by choice) to go topside as our ship strategically steered into the arm of an escalating tropical storm turning hurricane and be one with all the raw power of the rolling tide, tearing rain, and gusting winds. I am sure I should have fallen over the side and my boss at the time should have just let me wait but nothing has ever beaten the feeling of being elevated in such a raw storm. I felt at peace and smiled as we sailed right into the “adventure” as it were.

After four years in the Navy, I got out and decided to move in with my Mom since I never had a strong bond with her aside from the fact that she gave me life. You have to respect that! One day, I was curious about what drew her to become a witch, what she did, how she cast spells, and things of that nature. Never a shy person, she gave me a stack of books, showed me her tools, and saged my room which I always felt was a nice touch. Still, I remained skeptical. Then, it happened. I only just remembered this recently but it’s only solidifying my faith that this is my spiritual path. One day, while reading one of the books she lent me, she brought in a small box. She presented it to me and told me that she heard it calling my name and that it was never meant for her. Sure, if that’s how you want to give a gift to someone who considered themselves normal, that’s a good way of not scaring the pants off of them. I opened the box to find a beautiful, expertly crafted dagger (which I am now considering for an Athame). I was touched by the gesture since I like weapons that a detailed and crafted with great care which goes against their general purpose. Still, she told me that when she was buy some supplies for a spell she was casting later in the month, the owner sent it with a note explaining that it was no extra charge and that someone close to her would be needing it. The seller explained that she felt it was meant to go to my mother for one reason or another. My mother then in turn gave it to me knowing that I might need it. At the time, I was grateful thinking of it only as a dagger. Now, I am looking back thinking “Oh crap, is this really unfolding this way?” It’s hard to question it, at least in my opinion.

Currently, I live away from my Mother and have no way of contacting her, especially when I could use her for spiritual guidance. Still, my life is really going well. I am a student at the University of Washington, I work for both the college radio and Student Life department, I have a wonderful girlfriend, dog, and an assortment of fish, and I am getting by on the bare minimum and that makes me incredibly happy.  Now, I feel that this is calling to me and I would love some opinions, guidance, and help. Even as I do more and more research, I feel drawn to Wicca even if only as a neo-Wiccan or eclectic Wiccan. The more I learn, the more things start to fall in to place. I mean, I think, as I stated before, I have made a contract with Neptune. My life outside the Navy is still very nautical oriented, so I feel like I have a pantheon as well.

I know I haven’t gone off the deep end but that’s a little bit of what is playing on in my head as I write this. Please, if you have made it this far, help a guy out. I don’t feel lost and this isn’t a cry for help. This is me reaching out and wondering if this is my calling or has been for some time but I was too blind and scared to seek it out. Thanks for reading and I look forward to any guidance you can offer me. Thanks for your time and may some good vibes compensate you for your reading abilities.
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oldghost

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Re: Choosing the Path Before Me
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2013, 08:58:51 PM »

Welcome Damanex , Great post ;hope you find what you seek .
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"Everything I know I learned by listening and watching . Nowadays people learn out of books instead . Doctors study what man has learned . I pray to understand what man has forgotten ." Vernon Cooper

Draconis Rex

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Re: Choosing the Path Before Me
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2013, 11:13:53 AM »

Well met and welcome to TCC Damanex. That's a hell of an intro. The first thing is that we are in no position to tell you what your path is, this is something that will come to you if you allow it, and in it's own good time. We will happily give guidance through discussion with you so share and talk with us as you will.
 
Secondly, our best advice while you're here is simply to read as much as you can. Go through the older threads here, there's plenty information contained therein; pay attention to the stickied threads too they're there to help.
 
In the meantime, enjoy your time with us; Hope we can help you find what you seek.
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MoonlitWings

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Re: Choosing the Path Before Me
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2013, 11:58:55 AM »

Oh wow, long intro but I like reading people's back stories :) It's nice to meet you Damanex, welcome to the forum. No can can tell you what your path is, but everyone here can teach you, but you will be teaching yourself from what you read and learn. Follow what path you think is for you, you have plenty of time, no rush. Might even be a completely new path solely for you. Look at the Wicca Q& A and the reading list for books if you want to read more. Everyone here is willing to help so ask away. Good luck on your journey down your path and hope you find what you're looking for fellow newbie ;D
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Damanex

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Re: Choosing the Path Before Me
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2013, 10:45:52 PM »

Thank you, kindly, for your support and words of wisdom. I am still (and I guess always) learning in life. This is just a new aspect of it and I am really enjoying every detail that I can get my hands on. Thanks again for reading my epic introduction. I am greatly appreciative for your time!  ;D
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Celtic Epona

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Re: Choosing the Path Before Me
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2013, 04:06:22 AM »

I'm new here as well.  So I guess I'll say well met.  You aren't going off the deep end, you are simply choosing to walk your own path.  That's a hard thing in a world that says everyone should be an individual (as long as it conforms to our way!).   :-p 
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Arnemetia

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Re: Choosing the Path Before Me
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2013, 08:56:36 AM »

Welcome Damanex.  I enjoyed your introduction.  It sounds ike you already have a good handle on this.  Most of the time, our path is not chosen for us nor do we choose it, it just kind of reveals itself.  Ask questions if you need to and read as much as you can.  When you are ready, put what you have learned into practice.  Enjoy your journey.
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